Trust the Process of Life
The bus is bumping along, dirt and dust flying. There are goats, water buffalo and piles of rocks to dodge. Students in uniform cross the street, narrowly missed by the passing tuk tuks. I sit in the very back seat and watch my son run down the aisle towards me. He is having the time of his life. I pray (to some traffic Hindu God?) every once in awhile, but I feel a surrender in me. A peacefulness that although this isn’t the way it has always been for me, this is how it has always been for this driver, for the people on the road. I think surrendering to the concept of travel means to trust a nation. To trust that although it feels foreign to you, it is their way. Trust their way.
I look over at my partner, Onyx’s father, and my “ex” for lack of better terms. I really see him. He came all this way, halfway across the world, to care for our son so that I can work. I notice feelings of joy arise, along with feelings of sadness. This is a new normal for all of us and I am proud that we can do this huge of a trip in this way. For us, for our friendship, and for Onyx. From my seat, I am able to see how big that is. The fact that we are able to put aside our differences and travel the world together is something that can teach many, for I am even learning from it.
The music is turned up, a Bollywood song blasting from the speakers, and we are dancing and singing. I notice the colour of the saris and see women gathering in the fields. I notice the great greens and yellows of vegetables and fruits that the market vendors have out to display. My heart can barely take it all in. I close my eyes, trying to imprint the pink skies and mud huts to memory.
I think of the women and girls we are going to work with. To learn from and to work for. I think of the four years that I have volunteered for this organization, and about the last year of sleepless nights with an infant, thinking of all the ways to reach more people with our mission. I think of those long days that I spent in the slum in India with girls and women and how I knew then that this is what I was made for. I know now that this is what I am here for.
And then I feel it. I feel this electric ripple, a vibration of my cells. A vibration that I have only felt before in very few circumstances. This is the moment where everything is humming in harmony, where this internal knowing ripples out, starting at the base of the spine, all the way to the top of your head and the tips of your toes. I think about how this feeling is something we all strive for everyday. How can we bring this into alignment with our lives more? How can we move towards our passion each and every day?
I let these thoughts come and then I let them go. The truth is, those answers aren’t ours to control. They are ours to surrender. Just like when we visit a nation, it’s our job to trust. Trust the way. Trust the process of life. Observe it, lean in with interest, and learn from it. And then just let it go, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride.
I sit at the back of the bus and I trust the process of life.
Tamara McLellan is a writer, humanitarian, yoga teacher & barefoot wanderer. She resides in Peachland, BC, and works everyday to empower others, both in her role as co-Executive Director of Her International, and through yoga + nature classes, workshops and retreats.
As a young woman, her life changed when she saw John Wood speak of his philanthropic work at a conference. Since then she's travelled to volunteer in Africa, India, and Central America, and recently, she got to share her love of this work with her 2 year old son Onyx, who joined her on a month long trip to Nepal.
Tamara believes that all things are best left wild and that this human life has so much magic and light in all of it's dark. She writes to share her heart with all those who need a reminder of their wholeness.
You can find Tamara's writings and classes at www.wildbreath.ca and see her wanderings on Instagram at @tamaramclellan.