The Disappearing Act: Higher Standards, That We Should Actually Keep.

 Photo by  Billy Pasco  

Photo by Billy Pasco 

 

Put your hands up if you have standards.  I better be seeing every woman on this planet’s hands raising.  I recall saying to my cousin the other day “my standards are going to be the death of me”.  She started out by saying that it’ll be worth it when the man steps in and meets my standards. She then asked me why my standards were killing me.  

I told her how I was texting a guy and he said to me “If you’re around Thursday or Friday maybe we should grab a beverage”.  

I WANT START BY SAYING HIS PASSIVE LANGUAGE DID NOT IMPRESS ME.

However, I’ve been told men don’t want to seem too “interested”. *Insert eye roll* I have a standard that I don’t plan the first few dates.

I have a way of expressing this that is not abrasive or blunt. Therefore, I replied “ I am unavailable Thursday. However, if you come up with something concrete for Friday night I would down. I am always down for a good time!”.  Want to guess what happened next? 

I GOT GHOSTED. 

Ahhh confusion, my constant companion when it comes to dating in this day and age. I refuse to compromise my standards and I should not have to. I want to be asked on a date by a man. I am not sure why this is such a revolutionary ideal. When this guy did not text me back right away on the Monday I made a mental plan. If he did not text me by Wednesday morning confirming our meeting, I was going to be unavailable. 

IT DID NOT MATTER THAT ALL I LEGITIMATELY HAD TO DO FRIDAY NIGHT WAS WASH MY HAIR, I WAS NOT MEETING HIM.

IT IS SO HARD TO DO THIS.  I want to dress up on a Friday night, go out with a cute guy, and let him show me off. It does not matter if its last second, or if it’s hardly planned.  Just kidding it matters, because I matter, and people have to know that. I should not have to ask myself if my standards too high because they are not.

I know what I want out of a relationship, and you should know what you want out of your relationships.

PERSONALLY, I WROTE A LIST, I ASKED MYSELF WHAT I NEEDED NOT JUST WHAT I WANTED FROM A PARTNER.  

My standards and needs have to be met in the courting stage and in the long term. Asking for your standards to be met is completely reasonable. 

So, ladies, do you find yourself wondering if your standards are too high?  Do you ever find yourself asking your girlfriends if you’re “asking for too much”? Most importantly do you have your list, with all of the qualities you want in a partner? 

To be Continued...

- Lyndsay Grace