Lets Focus On These Numbers

I’ll be the first one to let you know that I am not a numbers girl. 

In fact, I stray away from them as far as possible. Numbers are intimidating. Numbers make shit real, and they often drain the magic of moments because numbers = reality. I mean, aren’t we more than ‘just another number in a statistic’? Doesn’t our life hold more purpose than a dollar sign or percentage? I hope so, because I almost failed math in school.

I’ll be the first one to let you know that I deal with inner conflict. 

I dwell and number-crunch each situation, yet I love making last minute decisions. I strive for the perfect harmony of organization and spontaneity. I set five year goals but often wonder why they aren’t conquered in a day. I want to be invited to everything even if I show up to less than half the time. I often don’t care what I do, but I need to know the specifics of how I do it. 

“How many people are there?”
“How much is it going to cost?”
“Do you know what time you’ll be here?”

I’m nearly twenty-two and I’m still figuring this life thing out. I know I’ve got the time, but seem to live as if time is quickly running out. I suppose we enjoy the thrill of organized chaos, something a math equation couldn’t calculate. 

As much as we may avoid the reality of numbers, the reality is: numbers are everywhere. It’s just about how we tackle those numbers. For instance, if you’re an extroverted introvert like myself, I find what helps with nerves is cutting the bigger picture up in smaller increments. I won’t think about talking to one thousand people at once...but one person intimately, one thousand times. Numbers don’t always have to taunt you. 

I should probably throw in that I am a radio host, who loves her job, and numbers do play a factor in my day-to-day working life. I broadcast live to thousands of listeners each week - and that doesn’t get to me - but walking into a party with a dozen strangers?

I’ll need to take a few deep breaths. 

Here’s another example: when I realized that a large number of people can often drain my energy rather than boost it, my life changed for the better. I can still love events with a large crowd, I just know when I need to re-juice. There is nothing wrong with knowing who are and what you need in order to live your best life. 

It’s how you deal with those numbers instead of shying away from them just because they exist. I’m going to bring back the number twenty two: the amount of years I’ve lived on this pretty rock. I am not an expert on everything and you’ll find what works for you. 

Lately, I’ve been living my life in such a freeing way that I’ve almost neglected the numbers and have gone with my instincts. Even if it’s like taking the long way home, I still get home and with a few more stories to tell. 

Balance is key, though.

I mean, our relationship with numbers can sometimes be seen as negative; paying off your student loans, the number of years you’ve spent in a relationship or not in a relationship. Not all numbers are negative, but we’re starting to butter them up in hopes to relax.

“Age is just a number. You’re much too mature for a twenty-two year old.”
“The number on the scale doesn’t matter, it’s about how you feel.”
“Book the flight now, you only live once. The money will figure itself out.”

You’re not wrong when telling me this, but the more I understand myself the more I’m starting to accept all numbers. The numbers that matter, at least. Again, don’t avoid the numbers just because they are there - just redefine your relationship with them.

We shouldn’t dwell on the number of nights we’ve spent crying. 
The number of mornings we wake up and pick ourselves up feeling empowered are far more significant.

It should not be about how many calories we ate today, it should be about how we nourished our bodies, our minds, our souls. Let’s celebrate that daily success.

It’s not always about how much money we’re making in a year.  Let’s focus on the number of days we wake up loving what we do, or the numbered amount of days left where we realize, “Hey, I can do better, and be better, because life’s too short.”

Life doesn’t have one answer to one equation. I think the beauty of it’s wonder falls within the trial and error process. You are more than the negative numbers - start counting the positives instead of your pennies. You’ll find your self worth amongst that counting process.

 At least, that’s what I’ve added up - let me know if you get the same answer.

- Brooklyn Driediger