Facing The Brick Wall
Putting yourself first and creating the life you’ve dreamt of living is not only scary, but it’s also hard. As a young woman, I’ve always had huge dreams. My dream job, my dream interview, my dream home and dream city where I wanted to call home.
These dreams have stayed dreams for 23 years because I’ve been terrified to chase them. I’ve been crippled by fear of failing and people telling me they knew I couldn’t do it. Years of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem has kept me away from my dreams for too long.
2017 is the year that everything started to change for me.
This year I’ve opened my eyes and my heart and I’ve become a fearless woman on a mission. My mission is to run straight towards my dreams and not to stop when I hit a brick wall. I was once told by someone I am inspired by that a brick wall isn’t something to stop others from getting in, but instead, it’s to see how badly you want what’s behind the wall.
Are you willing to smash down brick walls to follow your biggest dreams? I am.
I like to call myself an outgoing introvert. If you’re with me one-on-one you probably wouldn’t think I was an introvert. I am outgoing, I laugh and I try to be funny. I like to make people happy. I’m confident in my surroundings and in my being.
It can be a different story when it’s a bigger crowd, though.
For the past few years, I have struggled with intense social anxiety. It eventually got to a point where I was put on anxiety medication in the summer of 2016. The day I went to the doctor and he wrote on his prescription pad that I needed a small white pill to handle myself was the day I knew I needed a change.
From that moment forward I stopped allowing myself to use my anxiety as an excuse. I put myself into situations where I was uncomfortable, where I didn’t know anyone and situations that normally I would automatically decline. I did these things because if you’re not going to push yourself, who will?
Slowly I started to gain my confidence. I started to break out of my shell and become the woman I’ve always dreamt of being. You know… the women on the street who are confident, happy and who seem to be full of joy and love. I know I wanted to get to that point.
My journey continued as I left a job that I was extremely unhappy in. Me leaving that job allowed me to regain personal traits that I had let slip away. It also let me realize that a job, and a male boss, would not define who I am and what I’m capable of.
After that, I started to notice when people were trying to take advantage of me. When I noticed that, I put a stop to it. I was not going to be walked all over anymore. I knew deserved to be surrounded by people who wanted to spend time with me and who made an effort.
You make time for the people you want in your life.
When I started letting my emotions back in and spending time with amazing and uplifting people, my life started to change. I was full of motivation, inspiration and love. I started to be confident in who I was and I realized that my dreams and passions were all within reach.
Once I realized that it clicked.
I am that woman on the street that I wished to be like.
I am a kick ass woman
I am a kiss ass woman who is following her dreams
I am a kiss ass woman who is following her dreams and is confident in her own skin
I speak from my heart now, I follow my gut and I stand up for what I believe in. I know how I should be treated and I pay close attention to how I treat others.
I am filling my world with joy and love AND sprinting towards my dreams.
Now, there will be bad days. Oh, there will be bad days. During those bad days, I remember where I started and how far along I’ve made it. I remember that it’s okay to second guess myself, but I always come back to reality and remind myself that dreams are supposed to be scary and fear is there to test you.
It’s time to ace that test and run fast towards your dreams and that brick wall.
By: Molly Gibson Kirby, founder of The Book of Molly