There is Hope!
I am the last of a family of five children after three brothers. I consider that my family was dysfunctional in terms of communication and relations in general. At that time, it was difficult to express my emotions and thoughts for fear of displeasing or contradicting my father. I grew up with my father's fear despite the fact that I always loved and admired him; he was my hero.
His way of looking at me and his way of being explosive affected me greatly.
The family climate in which I grew up has caused me childhood traumas that have influenced my image as a woman and have also had a direct effect in my relationship with my father, brothers and with men in general including my husband and my two boys. It’s important to understand the impact of the dynamics in which we have grown to better manage our inner world and understand ourselves and our relationships with others.
When I was a teenager, my heart was full of suffering, bitterness and anger because my lack of love and acceptance had created a dark side in me. I didn’t believe that my dad loved me. I was looking for a deep meaning in my life thinking that I could found love in the arms of men. I was engulfed more deeply in the pleasure of alcohol and drugs numbing myself so as not to feel my suffering. I was very unhappy, and I wanted to end my life.
One day I prayed to God and told him that I no longer wanted to be on earth because life brought me no good.
Something happened to me not so long after that. I had a deep encounter with God, which changed my life. It was a complete change of direction, a one eighty degree. Overnight I stopped using drugs and alcohol and few weeks later I started to change my wardrobe to make me feel more feminine. Something deep within me had changed. The veil had risen, the light came to me. It's like seeing the sky and the birds for the first time in my life.
My heart had found the love he sought. God changed my sadness into joy, and He gave me a song of praise instead of despair Isaiah 61: 3
Thirty four years later I continue to encounter the His love more and more deeply. I love him because he loved me first. He revealed His love to me in my brokenness when my life was a mess so that I could love others in my turn.
He gave me a husband and three beautiful children that loves me and that I love. I am very blessed.
Maybe it is you today who needs this true love, or it is your daughter or a girl that you know who needs healing from past relationships.
Know that God hears and knows all your sorrows and sufferings and that his look of compassion is towards you and those you know.
God wants to change your sadness into joy and your tears in a song of praise so that you can know the goodness and the greatness of his love for you. Don’t let another day pass by without knowing His love for you.
Be healed and transformed today by the power of His love for you!
- Christine Cloutier